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Baptist on a bridge joke

Posted on 23 March 2012, 5:54

I get Google alerts whenever Ship of Fools appears in the news, and tonight we got a rare mention for a competition we ran back in 2005 called The Laugh Judgment. We asked our readers to send us their favourite religious jokes in two categories: funniest and most offensive. The winner of the funniest religious joke was a gag created by American comic Emo Philips.

The news item picked up by Google was for the reopening of a comedy club in Vancouver, where Emo is taking the first spot. The report said: ‘The 56-year-old American has been a staple of comedy clubs since the 1980s, but the highlight of his career might be having a joke that was rated “the funniest religious joke of all time” by the Christian humour website, Ship of Fools.’

Well, if true, that’s an unexpected career highlight for Ship of Fools too. In fact, we judged Emo’s joke to be the best religious joke not only of all time, but of all eternity. Here it is…


Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump.

I said, ‘Don’t do it!’ He said, ‘Nobody loves me.’

I said, ‘God loves you. Do you believe in God?’ He said, ‘Yes.’

I said, ‘Are you a Christian or a Jew?’ He said, ‘A Christian.’

I said, ‘Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?’ He said, ‘Protestant.’

I said, ‘Me, too! What franchise?’ He said, ‘Baptist.’

I said, ‘Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?’ He said, ‘Northern Baptist.’

I said, ‘Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?’ He said, ‘Northern Conservative Baptist.’

I said, ‘Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?’ He said, ‘Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.’

I said, ‘Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?’ He said, ‘Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.’

I said, ‘Die, heretic!’ And I pushed him over.


Emo Philips very kindly contacted Ship of Fools after the competition and offered us tickets to his show at the Newbury Comedy Festival, which is where the pic above of him and me came from. If you’re a fan (or if you’re not yet) visit his website to see where he’s playing after Vancouver.

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First time I read this joke was just now – I LOLed lots and lots!!!

Lev, Sat 24 Mar, 04:49

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